Saturday, September 13


I stumble upon this site with some tips for job interviews

1. “Sorry I’m late. I could have sworn you said twelve.’”

2. “Where I come from, that kind of question will get you shot.”

3. “If I smell like Cheez-Its, it’s just because I love them so freakin’ much.”

4. “I don’t like to brag about competitive offers—let’s just say I’ve had some interest from a company that rhymes with Flurger Cling.”

5. “Does your health plan cover abortion? If so, can I start today?”

6. “My work ethic is so strong, it’s practically Asian.”

7. “Is Jesus considered a personal reference?”

8. “Would it be possible to be paid in cash? I’m kind of laying low right now.”

9. “What in the hell is this Microsoft Word everyone keeps talking about?”

10. “When I get nervous in interviews, I like to picture the other person on the toilet.”

11. “My motto: Work hard, play hard—or as the Nazis might say, Arbeit macht frei.”

12. [Winking.] “Why, I have no idea how that $100 bill just appeared on your desk.”

13. “It doesn’t matter where I’d like to be in five years, because aliens will have inseminated us all by then, right?”

14. “Funny, everyone who reads my résumé always homes right in on the manslaughter.”

15. “Let’s just cut to the chase: Who and where is the office slut?”

16. “Do you believe in fairies?”

17. “I guess you could say I’m sort of a professional whistle-blower.”

18. “What you can’t get just from reading my résumé is all the stuff I deliberately omitted.”

19. “See this? It’s a forked tongue. Deal with it.”

20. “Why, yes, it is a fake beard.”

21. “If you Google me, just be warned that there’s a sexual predator who happens to share my name and Facebook page.”

22. “Allow me to answer that with a tambourine solo.”

23.”Why is your typewriter connected to your TV set?”

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